Bring Me the Head of Ryan Giggs by Glass Rodge

Author:Glass, Rodge [Glass, Rodge]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Justin Fashanu, Manchester United, Champions league, Giggsy, Fever Pitch, Ryan Giggs, Football, racism, Damned United, Homophobia
Publisher: Atlantic Books
Published: 2012-04-05T04:00:00+00:00

GIGGSY WATCH – Didn’t play. Not in squad.

Average Fan Rating: N/A

Mike had never been driven to a United match before, and his mouth felt like a sandpit. Maybe it was the suit he was wearing. Maybe it was all that space in the back of some stranger’s car, the CD player blasting house music through fat little speakers, muting the noise of the crowd on the other side of the glass. Maybe it was the tiny television in front of him, the grinning Sky Sports News presenters, on mute, hyping the event. Or maybe it was the absence of a pre-match radio humming away in the background, those familiar voices debating the footballing issues of the day. Transfer talk. Team news. Some failed ex-player shouting, ‘And I’ll tell you another thing about what you need to succeed . . .’

‘This is the only way to travel, Mikey,’ said Terry, who was wearing a striped purple shirt. ‘By limo! Mint, eh? Top! Let’s ave it!’

Mike wondered whether his friend was joking. Or whether he was suddenly talking like this to make himself feel more like a real Manc, a real United fan – even though he was obviously from Cheshire, and since when did that count as Manchester? Terry’s voice reminded Mike of Ledley, the man from the Liverpool bus, who he’d not seen since that glorious day. Whose five-a-side team he never turned up for. The car crawled along in the match-day traffic.

Terry had two other tickets spare, and they’d gone to Ellie and Jen, both nineteen years old. At a set of traffic lights they stood up, the top half of their bodies out of the car, waving at people walking past and screaming in fake American accents.

‘YYYYEaah baby!’ screamed Ellie.

‘Check it out!’ screamed Jen.

Both girls posed and pouted, pretending to be film stars – they’d never been in a limousine before, and suspected they might not get the chance again, so why not let loose? Just then a voice from the street shouted their way.

‘Get yer tits out fer the lads!’

Both girls let out a dirty laugh.

‘No way!’ shouted Jen.

‘No chance, you fat bastard!’ shouted Ellie. She thought for a moment, then consulted with her friend. ‘Should I give him a quick flash anyway?’ she asked, holding the base of her top, as if she was about to lift it.

‘Nah . . . let him suffer,’ said Jen. ‘Let him think about what might be under there when gets home and has a wank.’

Meanwhile, Terry sat across from Mike looking at the two sets of legs between them. He nodded.

‘Not so awful to be alive, is it?’

Mike snorted. ‘Terry, Ellie’s your sister, man! Have some self-respect!’

‘No! That’s not what I meant. You didn’t think . . .? Did you? Oh God!’

Mike thought, Would Terry fuck his own relatives? Or anyone else that agreed? Neither option seemed likely. Even in this limo, doing this thing, Terry didn’t seem like much of a man. Mike thought about this as he looked at his friend.

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